Jan. 2nd, 2009

hellowonderland: (veronica // ocean city girl)
Never has a song reminded me so much of summer than {this} one. Maybe it's the memory of driving to pick up my friend at the airport this summer, as I listened to this song on repeat. The sun was shining through the windows and the wind snarled hair and the Atlantic ocean glimmered against the horizon.

Maybe it's the dreary skies here, or the fact that I don't have friends anymore-- well, not girlfriends and there's a world of difference between a boyfriend who is your best friend and having girlfriends to laugh and cry and dance with. Maybe it's being so far away from the people that I love, save one. Don't get me wrong-- God, I love James SO much and I would never want to leave him, ever. But it's the memories of my time as a girl (it seems so long ago and it was only a year...) when I worked in a clothing store and there were girls and tears and lipsticks and drunken nights.

I remember myself before, and I don't want to be her anymore. But I dream of her, and how she used to kiss girls and put drunken friends to bed, and how getting ready was the best part of the night, and her girlfriends were her soulmates and how it was all or nothing, always all or nothing. How there was just so much. I miss her, I feel for her, I would die for her.

I want to dance. I want to be young. I want to throw my head back and lose it. I want to sweat and wear a tight top and flash my bare legs. I want a hot night and a cold drink and a pounding, obliterating beat.

December 2015

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